For a better tomorrow…

I hope so you are not expecting any kind of wisdom out of this blog post. Once again, is just something that is bothering me for a long time, so I need to get it out in order to jump onto my next botheration. Also, I did not write for a long time, which does not mean that my mind was not racing for new conclusions of my experiences. It has been around two months since I wrote my first and last blog post, a lot of people liked it, and I must say I was really flabbergasted with the attention it got. I wanted to write straight after, but I did not, as research of botheration was yet to be concluded. Now, I think it is, so lets get started.

Through last couple of months a lot of things happened, or at least one big thing that kind of changed everything. Starting with relationships with my family, friends, then schedule, daily routine, and I guess state of mind when you sum up everything said before.

For past three years I went to a highly respected art academy in Europe. It was really good change, back then for me; stopped partying too much, found focus in what I want to be when I grow up, learned that people WILL try to fuck you over if they have a chance, therefore became more cautious of my surrounding and of course gain a lot of knowledge in the profession I was pursuing. Biggest lesson was about disappointment.

My BA is expected in July 2015, but is not going to happen. Disappointed? Well, I was, and maybe still am (still did not decide, since it was two weeks since the news), but my parents (even tho they say they are not, they) really are.

Disappointment was coming in few fazes before this specific event, so I was just trying to understand why we get disappointed at all? It is a vicious cycle of planning and wanting things fast. Let me explain on my own example as I do not want to say you are doing the same. I plan a lot. But A LOT! When I was 12 years old I said to myself I need to have MA by the time I am 25, by 28 I am already super successful in my job, got married and by 30 I have two kids. WTF was I thinking?!? MA is obviously out of the game, since in 10 days I will be 24 and there is no way I can get both BA and MA in a year. I was really convinced I will be graduating in a year, that not even in one point I thought something wrong might happen with my studies and it did. School system and me had to split up after 17 long years of relationship. I think it was enough from both sides, at least for now. That is second disappointment. Rush planning got me by the balls.

Now, I do not think I cannot do stuff without diploma, since nowadays is so easy to learn in this virtual world and soak up from other living beings not influenced by THE system. I do believe I have big qualities, but I need to force myself to use them to the fullest potential. Why I do not do it? Because I am afraid of being disappointed again. You might have read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho where crystal merchant was also afraid of disappointment, so he did not go after his dreams. Same, I dreamt (better say: planned) so big but I did not properly work towards it. I was doing it for someone else (remember my parents and their disappointment :)). The biggest negative issue in this is that I stop daring to dream and pursue those dreams. At the end of the day it is our choice. Wether we are going to be merchant or the boy in search of his treasure. Should we dare or not to dare to follow our omens?

There is an Eastern European proverb saying it is a long path over the thorns. I say it is long, bloody, painful, draining, depressing; but hey! it is worth it at the end, and I am going to elaborate on that, once it happens :)
Patience is the key I guess.

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31 thoughts on “For a better tomorrow…

  1. Your dreams should never be for someone else, they are your dreams! Live them, cherish them, you will achieve some wonderful things in your life if keep hoping and dreaming! At 24 you truly have a lifetime ahead of you, disappointment is part of life but if your dreams are strong and beautiful you will soon forget. Keep dreaming :)

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  2. I enjoyed this piece of personal writing. It is fantastic when that Eureka moment arrives and you see that what you were doing was not really for you, but for someone else. It is not selfishness. It is honesty. When you are honest with yourself your path in life becomes clearer. I look forward to hearing just what happens next…

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  3. Nothing I have endeavored for that is of value has come without suffering. A difficult, but necessary part of the journey that brings into clarity what is truly important to us, or not. I am horrible at figuring out when something should happen, but have learned that what is more important is that I am clear about what I want and why. As Frankl said, “those who have a why to live, can endure almost any how.”
    Keep striving. The struggle is transforming.

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  4. Hey:

    You’re still way young. Keep chipping away at the degree. In this modern world, you can finish your Master’s online, so it’s not like you have to actually go to the college and classes all day. So maybe you finish your BA, and get your MA another time. You must have a two-year degree already. And, too, you can always change your major if the curriculum is intimidating or your interests have changed.
    “It’s a long path over the thorns” can mean that the direct route (straight through the brambles) may not be the best. Taking the long way ’round may actually be quicker, and you avoid the pain & suffering.
    Relax. You’ll be fine.

    Be at peace,

    Paz

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  5. We never get it all figured it out. You’re right, it takes patience. I’m terrible at patiently waiting for things to fall into place, to know more and to be who I’m working to become. Sounds like you’re in a similar boat. Guess we all just have to try to learn when to pause and when to take action, when to reflect, when to listen to others or ourselves and when to just leap. In the meantime, keep writing! :)

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  6. I, too, love your word botheration! It made me smile as soon as I read it ;-) and I understand exactly your need to get it all done on paper, or in words. I look forward to reading more from you, regards Jackie

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  7. Followed I wanna see where this is going. I wouldn’t say your dreams are dead, exactly. They’ve just been co-opted and might be in the process of transformation. Good luck, we’re all on this journey together.

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  8. It is great to dare as nobody else will do….as you mentioned East European….I am one of them! Keep move forward and connect your dots later…..Cheers!

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  9. sometimes things go out of plan but if you make the most out of the situation you are currently in, it will turn out well in the end, maybe even better than what you actually planned. :)

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  10. Thanks for the follow! Dude – my life hasn’t turned out how I planned at all 10 years ago. I thank God it hasn’t. I was supposed to have my Ph.D. at 26 and be married some time before that and having babies now – nope nope nope! And happy happy happy! Have faith that though it’s not how you want it to be, it’s how it needs to be :)

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  11. Schedules in life don’t much matter, because something will invariably come along to take your seat on the train somehow, and there goes the old sked, fluttering right out the window. Steady application provides its own schedules to life. And if education isn’t its own reward, then we don’t know whose reward it is, because your employer, whichever entity that turns out to be, will soon educate you to their task at hand, as that’s their sole interest in you. They have no soul interest. So, unless you’re within academia, no prospective employer much cares about the actual content of an education, as contained within any prospective employee. They care only that the education occurred, is duly certified and, possibly but not always, the brand-name which is attached to it, so they can tell the stockholders they’ve got themselves a “qualified” workforce occupying their company’s jobs.

    A bachelors is valuable, and it’s not. Certain employers would rather hire you if you aren’t educated. Characters with doctorates had better not apply at Der Wienerschitzel, they’d get laughed out of the place! If you really want just a plain old job, sometimes, you’ve got to downplay education and play up your “work experience.” Funny, isn’t it?

    But we love to learn things, at Filmbell, we’ve got that passion. Hey, we’d get another bachelors or two, in a couple of fresh subjects, if the sheepskins weren’t so expensive and time-consuming to acquire.

    All we can say is, the temporal calculus is now on your side, and will be for some years. You’re still young enough for a bachelors to “pay for itself,” in dollars. On the other hand, if one gets the urge to grab a bachelors at 40+ instead, one must ask oneself, “Do I have enough working years remaining to truly exploit my education in paychecks, let alone taking four years’ of paychecks out of my life, right now, to accomplish it?”

    Forget any grand schedules for yourself but, right now, you should probably finish the job, as Churchill said, wherever you can get it most briskly accomplished. This is the only sensible time to do it, if you’re going to. But if you’re not, that’s okay too!

    Here are the figures, very roughly. In the good old U.S.A. One is about thrice as likely to be on the dole without a bachelors as with one. One is then about thrice as likely to be on the dole with a bachelors than with a masters (that’s weird), and one is then, somehow, about five times as likely to be on the dole with a masters than with a doctorate. So, doctorates, 1% unemployment, and high-school grads, 30%+ unemployment or thereabouts. That ain’t right, one might even be tempted to term it “terribly wrong.” But there’s the ballpark we’re playing in today.

    The above mess doesn’t stop us from dreaming, though. If you’re an artist, and your cv would indicate this high ambition, you should………..relax, as age twenty-four is usually not a bad place to be.

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  12. I love your honesty and I love your style of writing. I am going through a phase of my life where disappointment is tandamount, situations where I am clawing to change. Life is full of disappointments, some so high off the scale that they can actually destroy your life as you knew it. Been there. Trying to recreate something after burning to ashes is tough indeed. I do believe I will follow you for I know I will learn a thing or two from you. And a big thank YOU for the follow on Petals. (((HUGS))) Amy

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  13. Your writing style makes it hard to stop reading. That’s the mark of good things being written and good writer as well. On your future plans, I’d suggest finding your talents and your passions (since they are not always the same) and be ready for the long haul. I’ve found blogging is a great outlet and a phenomenal way to share your experience and gain great support. Best of luck!

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  14. Like Terry said, you should try writing. Write more on your blog, about anything! It is good practice and you will learn a lot from the comments. Whatever your parents dream for you does not have to be YOUR dream. Find your own dream and follow it, whether or not it means staying in school. Being happy is more important. Learn to be flexible. Then you will realize that at any given time “all is as it should be”. Walk in beauty, go in peace.

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  15. Keep dreaming and searching for your treasure, whatever that turns out to be. I like your writing because it seems to come straight from the mind to the paper without any filtering. Thanks for following me, btw; I hope you find some empathy and inspiration there.

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  16. I love this and it is very applicable in my life right now. For so long I have let fear of failure dictate what I do, or better said, what I don’t do. I’m working to change that now as that is no way to live. Thanks for sharing your journey. Peace.

    Ginger

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  17. Awesome blog post! I can certainly relate to it. I was meant to graduate with all of my friends in August but due to crappy events I had to postpone my exams and now I will be graduating in December. It was a very hard pill to swallow. I think the most important thing is that you are trying to reflect/figure yourself out. Because believe me not a lot of people do when they deal with stuff.

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  18. Thank you for following my blog. I just read your post. Don’t be discouraged. As long as you make a goal, work on it and don’t make any regrets. I mean you went to Europe for art school. Of course there are challenges, as long as you don’t have any regrets. Keep it coming! God bless you. Thru His vessel JB.

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  19. I feel like i’m in a similar (not same) boat. Just some personal/mental issues. I’m currently almost done with my first year of MPH school and it’s killing me. I don’t know why I signed up for this. Half the time I want to quit. I want to be creative, but it’s hard out there. I’m not at a school for creativity. :(

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